just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
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Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
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So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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