I wish my penis had an off switch
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
