the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
