There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
