your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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