We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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