yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize