Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
