Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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