i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
