His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
