I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She is in my trunk
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You've changed since you got that strap on
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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