Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Randomize
