i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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