hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How does one acquire holy water?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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