I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
