Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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