Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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