I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
