My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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