She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
