Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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