Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
