Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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