if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
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I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
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lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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