Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
