i think my tv is drunk
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
send nudes
from the living room?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
