We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
