Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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