Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
