i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
thus making me awesome and them whores
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
