absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
