apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
