Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
