Can i not drive my cunt home
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
