im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
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My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
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I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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