i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My liver just had a heart attack.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
