that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize