I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
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right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
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I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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