My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think people are normalizing furries
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
