you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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