We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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