You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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