WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
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How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm like, not good at living.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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