Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
