I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
