Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
