This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
