Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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