So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
