Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
