I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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