I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
