OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
