just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
