ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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