I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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