I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
