Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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