You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
