1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize