Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
farters have to be the big spoon...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
