im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
