I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
it's like iHOP with fire
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
