Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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