He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
