First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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