East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
